BEFORE THE STORY BEGINS⊠Many couples drift into long-term relationships and marriage. That it happened is as much as they know. Others talk about what is happening to them. This is one imagined such conversation from fifty years ago. From 1968-1983 I was actively involved, as a volunteer and employee, in developing and managing sexual support services and as a sessional pregnancy and vasectomy counsellor.
'I don't want you to use this' she said, holding the small packet she had just taken from him.
'What? Go all the way?'
He was nonplussed by her madness. He wanted to say so. He knew the risk they would be taking, but he was in love with the girl, so instead he waited for her reply.
'Yes' she said.
'Is it that time of the month?'
'Will I get pregnant you mean? Maybe.'
'What happens then, if you do?'
'We'll get married. Itâs what you want'.
'Is that what this is all about? Why don't we go down the Town Hall now and fill in the forms now.'
'Suppose I can't get pregnant. Will you still marry me?'
'Of course. A baby come the right time will be a bonus. First though, just let's enjoy being together, saving for a home of our own, you getting qualified, having lots of sex as and when we want, not having to worry if anyone will find us. Your mum and dad. My dad.'
'I quite like it like this. It's exciting.'
'We've been together six months next week and we've yet to see one another completely naked or share a bath.'
'Oh, I love it this way. You having me. What more do you want?'
'Do you know your problem? You lack imagination. The things I want to do with you. It doesn't have to be over in a couple of minutes.'
'No? You tell my mum and dad that. Ever since I realised what they were doing on the other side of my bedroom wall when I was a kid, all Iâve ever heard is my mum saying "Get on with it will you" or "Please, don't be a tease, finish me off before I go mad. Always the same, and that's with me in the next room. It's as if they forget I'm there.'
'They probably do. Forget you're there I mean.'
'How can they?'
'If you and I get married, they'll think it's Christmas every day. I hope we can be like them. I've never heard my dad having sex.'
'Likes playing pool too much. That's his problem.'
'That's not true. There's Marlene. He always goes to her place. He used to tell me so I could telephone him if I had to. Never have. He doesn't tell me any more. If he doesn't come home, I know where he is. He asked me a few weeks ago if I liked Marlene. I told him I loved her and, until I met you, I was jealous, but not any more.
'What did he say?'
'That's my boy. Now it's my turn to be jealous' and he had a big grin all over his face.'
'He wouldn't would he?'
'What wouldn't he do?'
'Shag me.'
'Of course he would. You're of age and he's only eighteen years older than you.'
'Well, now there's a thought. I wouldn't have to wait for a house and you could have Marlene.'
'And you wouldn't get pregnant. He has a bedside table full of condoms. All types. My dad is not a man to take chances and he explained why he had them when he told me about the facts of life on my 13th birthday. How not to get a girl pregnant or catch the The Pox, and to stay clean.'
'You didn't tell me. I just thought you knew from school.'
'At school they gave you girls lessons in reproduction and personal hygiene, but not us boys. Imagine what would have happened if they had taught us boys about safe sex - the thought of getting a girl pregnant or catching the pox terrified us and the school liked it that way. Some lads had leaflets they got from their brothers in the services. The pictures were gruesome. I suspect you have seen a few rotting dicks already, being a nurse.'
'No, and I don't want to' and she screwed up her face in disgust at the thought.
'How could you?' she said, drawing away from him as she spoke the words. 'You surely don't think I'll give you The Clap. Do you?'
'No, I'm more worried about getting you pregnant and that's the truth.'
'I know that, but I want to know what it's really like? Can you understand that?'
'Of course. So do I. I'm as frustrated as you. Lots of Catholics use the withdrawal method and it seems to work for them, so maybe it can work for us, but you need to avoid the days when you are ovulating.'
'God, you know more than me.'
'Let's say I know enough.'
'Foxy Lane, one of my nursing tutors me, told me yesterday that she knew your mum and she warned me not to take any chances with you, saying you might do the same to me as your dad did to your mum.'
'And what was that?'
'Throw her out.'
'That's not true. It was all a long time ago. My mother's mum, my nan, told me she got herself pregnant with her boss, then told Dad, expecting him to agree to having the baby, but he didn't. I was enough for him. He told her to get rid of it and change her job. Instead she told her boss, who left his wife and kids. I was two at the time and remember nothing about what was happening. After a while she stopped coming to see me, but I still see my nan, who thought my mum was wrong to do what she did. They are down South somewhere.'
'When did your nan tell you all this?'
'When I asked her a few years back. I'll take you to see her if you agree to get married. I know what she'll say.'
'What will she say?'
'You look like my mum did when she was your age. Twenty-one.'
'Is that why you want to marry me? Because I look like your mum. That doesn't sound very healthy to me.'
'So that's a "No" is it?
'Hang on. Not so fast. Mum says you look like Dad did when he was twenty-one.'
'Perhaps we should end it now. Your mum thinking I look like your dad and my nan thinking you look like my mum. You're right. It's not very healthy. Perhaps we are brother and sister?'
'That's sick!'
Loving you has nothing to do with my mum. I fell in love with your butt before I saw your face on our first day at high school. I don't think I've told you that before. I followed you up the school steps. I love what we do and you look nothing like my mum. You are taller, have longer legs, short hair, perky breasts, big feet and, like me, you're left-handed and wear glasses. Does that sound like my mum?'
'How should I know? I've never met her and she's sitting down holding a drink in front of her face in the only picture you have. You could be making all this up.'
'Why should I?'
'To get inside my knickers that's why!'
'Thank about it. I didn't have to try hard do I?'
'It was hard work at first I promise you. I've taught you all you know, and you know that's true.'
'I don't have to try any more. You get wet at the thought. It's why I want us to get married. So we can live together and sleep in the same bed every night. Don't you want that?'
'Of course I do. There's more to us than babies, money and sex. I fell in love with you at the school debating society when you wiped the floor with Barry Groves after he called you a "socialist commie puppet" and you kept talking about free health care and gun control. Boy, was I impressed and I thought you sounded like Dad', then she paused, stuck her right fist into her mouth and bit it. 'Oh my god, there's that parent thing again!'
'I like your dad too. At least I don't have to argue my corner with him.'
'What does your dad think?'
'He says he fought in The War so people could be free to think and say what they like. He's a secret leftie, but he deals with a lot of red necks at the Yard, so he keeps his views to himself.'
'So are you saying we're going to get married?'. She could think of no other reason why their fathers should meet.
'Isn't that for us to decide together?'
'Of course, but let's be clear about one thing. If you ever get to shag Marlene I don't want to know.'
'And ditto my dad.'
'Really! There are limits to this conversation. I don't want to shag a thirty-nine year old man for another eighteen years. Understand?'
'Nan is of the view that Dad asking me about Marlene means he's thinking about making it legal, but he won't do anything until I have, in her words, "flown the nest". Now he thinks we are "serious", to quote him, he has or will soon ask her. He only plays pool on Fridays these days and he's taking Marlene to New York next month for her 45th birthday so, in his words, we can "play house for a week" to see how well we really get on'.
'What about the Yard?' she asked, referencing his dad's timber yard. 'He's always working.'
He wanted to point out that a few minutes before she had accused his dad of playing pool all the time. Instead, he said 'He's leaving Len Conners in charge⊠He's the one who is training me up and when I finish business college I'm going to work on a small range of flat pack furniture with Len's help. It'll make us a fortune'
'You haven't told me that before.'
'I don't have time to tell you everything. If we lived together I would tell you everything.'
'No, you're more interested in playing with my boobs or getting between my legs.'
'You gave me an open invitation when we met up again at the hospital. Remember? This thumb of mine hanging half off' and he waggled his scarred and oddly shaped left thumb in front of her, continuing as he did 'I didn't know nurses could show cleavage' laughing at his own joke.
'Huh, you got lucky. Anyway, I was not wearing my uniform. Remember? I had finished my shift and was on my out when I saw it was you and your butt again for the first time in years. Our kids are going to have the best butts in Maine you know that?' and it was her turn to laugh before saying 'The rest, as they say is "history", and here we are talking about marriage and me not getting pregnant. How crazy is that?'
She paused, looking at him, then said 'I promised myself I wasn't going to go steady with anyone until I qualified, unless I landed a doctor.'
'I know what you mean. I was waiting until I got my own place and had my fill of cougars.'
'Cougars?'
'Older women on the prowl for sex with young men and boys.'
'And there was me thinking you were natural when it came to sex. How many have you had? Is Marlene one?'
'Well, she's 44 and dad's 39. You can work it out for yourself. As for me, it's all talk I promise. You are my oldest and first.'
'I hate the thought of you missing out with Marlene.'
He could hear the sarcasm as she spoke the wordsâŠ
'Enough! Haven't we done enough talking for one afternoon? Are we going to do it or what?'
'All the way or nothing. What do you say to that?'
'Give me the condom please. If you come down the Town Hall tomorrow and we get married, Iâll never use one again I promise. Do you really want a baby before you're qualified and we have a house? If Nan is right about Dad, we'll have one soon enough.'
She was already going akimbo when she said 'Come here before I change my mind.' and lifting her butt so they could pull off her panties togetherâŠ
THE END
O L O Bunny
©Robert Howardđ°
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